I have spent a large part of my work experience worrying about the question of an efficient use of time. The basic question at any given time is whether I or another person is effectively using their time efficiently. On Tuesday night I had to rethink this concept and I have had plenty of time to rethink this concept in connection with Madeline and living life as a parent among my roles. The question arises when I stay home with Madeline for a day is – “Is this an efficient use of my time”. In a pure financial sense it would be a clear “no” since it is tricky to make money during the hours that I stay home and I would be able to earn more money per hour than it would cost me to hire a child care resource. But were the calculation that simple then I would have an answer to the question immediately and I would hire someone to stay home with Madeline and I would go out and work to pay for them.

But given that I only have so much time total, probably less than a hundred years worth in a lifetime, and even less time than that with my daughter, less than 77 years worth minus realistic time (15 years might be the real total), and if I assign a very high value to the time that I spend with her in terms of my own personal satisfaction with life then the cost of spending all of my time working vs. enjoying having a family and spending time with them needs to be factored into deciding whether I am spending my time efficiently. In fact it may be possible that the right calculation of time efficiency would be to maximize the time that I spend in a satisfying way and minimize the time that I spend in an unsatisfying way. Thus if I do get satisfaction out of work I need to work up until I get to diminishing returns and if I get satisfaction out of being with Madeline and Sarah then I need to do that until I get to diminishing returns.

This whole attempt to calculate satisfaction mathematically is bogus because there is no absolute number for satisfaction and it is an insatiable desire regardless such that I could never really be fully satisfied by anything given that there is always more to hope for or look forwards to in either personal life or work life. I hadn’t expected to have trouble figuring this one out but I think I will just remain somewhat conflicted on the question given that I have multiple objectives grinding around inside of me.