If you have ever tried to sell enterprise software and been presented with responding to a dreaded RFP. This is what an RFP would be like if someone was interested in buying your house. I dug this off my old computer too. I am not sure why I wrote it.

Home Owner RFI

This RFI (Request for Information) has been sent to you because you have been selected as a potential vendor for Daniel Housman and his family in the area of HOME OWNERSHIP. Mr. Housman and his family have contracted our consulting firm Amoco, Price, and Kraft to aid in the selection process. Your response is due on [ print yesterday’s date] in order to be considered for a demonstration of your home. If your home is selected for the next round of our purchasing process you will be contacted via a secret code and be provided with a key to unlock the code. In order to respond you will first need to send back an NDA that you have received this and are not intending to show it to anyone else.

If the house burns down will I be able to replace it the next day? What tools will you use to rebuild it?

How many houses have you sold before and to who? Can you provide 50 references of people who have purchased properties from you and which types of things such as bathrooms, swimming pools, or solar panels were included in each one.

Can your house fly?
If not what are your plans to make your house fly in upcoming remodeling?
Can your house fly if we remodel the basement?

Our family would like to move our current swimming pool to where your swimming pool is because we like our swimming pool better. Can you describe any tools you are offering with your house to allow us to do this? Is there a price break for bringing our own swimming pool (REQUIRED)

What materials was your house built with? Please explain how it was built describing each layer in the houses architecture.

Does your house support all standards for power, television, and reception? We have some appliances that we bought in England and would like to use them in our new house including a telephone – France , a toaster oven – China, a Television and VCR – England. Please describe how your house would accommodate these appliances.

Does you house provide broadband access?
Do your outlets support industrial machinery standards?

How many people can be fit into your house before it crumbles t o the ground. Please provide any load testing you may have done on your house such as total volume of people that can be fit into the building as well as what will happen during particularly active periods with varying numbers of participants such as

A) A dance party
B) Riot
C) Tae-Boe

Have you ever held a party with more than 800 people in your house before? IF so please provide the names of some of the attendees at the party.

Home features – We are evaluating features of our home please enter whether you have any of these features and whether it is a “Minor”, “Moderate”, “Major”, or “Impossible” home improvement to improve your home to meet our requirements

Included – Included in price of home
Minor – Small adjustment to furnishings
Moderate – Cosmetic change such as paint, interior modification
Major – Structural change to walls, floors, etc.
Impossible – Beyond the laws of physics

Kitchen - Requirements

Big Sink big enough to fit 100 unwashed dishes
Self-Cleaning Oven with top grill
Microwave oven
Sub-Zero Fridge
Wooden Cabinets
Wooden floor
Washing machine and dryer
Robot that cooks and cleans for me