A few years ago I saw a great illustration in Scientific American magazine. The illustration was an artists sketch of what the body would look like to scale if you factored not the size of the body but the size per sense neuron for touch. The resulting person was a strange monster with a giant phallus, a huge tongue that wouldn't fit in their mouth, big hands with big fingertips, and a large nose. The limbs on the body were foreshortened as was the torso.

I have never been able to completely accept every part of my body as being me. I think of my head as me and I am generally very attached to body parts like my hands. When it comes to my feet they may as well be a pair of shoes attached to the bottom of my legs. I have always had trouble with my feet. The first problem is that they are so far away from my head. The mere distance make them seem like they shouldn't be a part of me, but they are attached to my legs and thus far have been to every country where my head has been. The big problem with the distance is that they are hard to touch with my head but even if I use something more dexterous like my hands they are still pretty far away.

Because they appear to be a possession rather than a major part of me, and because they are the closest thing to the ground, my feet take more abuse than other parts of me. I step on sharp objects with them, I kick suitcases that I forgot to put on the floor, I drop things like bowling balls on them, and every day I walk all over them. While this abuse is not particularly cruel I am sure that they could justify getting a divorce. Instead they have decided to form a mutiny starting with my toes.

My left foot has a bunion on it. Because of this the toes are slowly bending to the left so that they don't fit well into my shoes. The toenail on my left toe has also decided to bury itself into the skin to form what may be an ingrown toenail. This toenail causes me extreme pain when I bump that foot into things like furniture in the middle of the night or kick soccer balls. As if this weren't bad enough my feet no longer react well to exercise. When they exercise they get sweaty and after that they are very itchy. I was told that it was a minor staphlococcus infection and that all I need to do is put Gold Bond Powder onto them whenever they get sweaty.

I am trying to stay on top of all these problems with my feet but they always seem to have me on my heels with one new problem once I think I have the last one under control. Maybe I am putting my foot in my mouth by saying this but I just hate my feet. With a little therapy we might be able to take things one step at a time and improve our relationship but for now they are always keeping me on my toes.